Long time no blog

You know you have neglected your website when you cant even remember your log in details. I have neglected my blog, not because I do not have anything to say, actually quite the opposite, I have inhibitions expressing myself. Firstly I am conscious of my grammar, spelling or lack therefore of, secondly I am self conscious of my thoughts.

My cousin has an amazing blog and has no inhibitions, her blog started when she moved to the city and is structured as a diary of satire, an open book of her most intimate moments in life. Her blog picked up quickly and soon she had a following in the thousands, or so she told me. The term blog itself is as described by Wikipedia;

A blog (a truncation of the expression web log) is a discussion or informational site published on the World Wide Web and consisting of discrete entries (“posts”) 

My problem with blogging is expressing myself, and I guess this crosses over into my ‘real life’ situations as well. This is nothing recent, although recently I am becoming increasingly aware that I do not express my true feelings enough. I would rather sail through life pretending like everything is peachy keen, rather than have an awkward conversation or god forbid a confrontation with someone.

Do I have alexithymia? Probably not, I do understand emotions and I am aware of not only mine, but others feelings. Through my studies in social science, I am well aware of Kübler-Ross, Sigmund Freud et al. I guess my  disposition is people pleasing. Am I self conscious? heck yeah! I have been told one too many times “Who cares what other people think”….Um I do!  Just then I changed hell yeh to heck yeah, as to not offend anyone, and use the correct spelling of yeah. Obviously I have not overcome my inhibitions, yet! But I do promise to work on breaking down the barriers within myself, after all admitting you have a problem is the first step and I do hope to bring you a new, forthcoming blog, full of inspiration and no inhibition, my mantra shall become:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”-Bernard M Baruch

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