I came to do a blog about random stuff when I found a Blog titled 6 Months to live in my drafts from March, 2019. I never posted it because it was more a journal to cope with what I was going through as I was watching my mum die.
Sadly on the 2nd August, 2019 the world lost a beautiful person and I lost my mum.
For the rest of the year I took a hiatus from blogging, from twitter, from socializing and from life in general. I did not want 2019 to end because a part of me felt I would be leaving my mum behind, and at the same time I could not wait for 2019 to end because I wanted to be done with the pain and heartache that 2019 represented.
Nearly 12 months on from this draft I am ready to come back to blogging and come back to life.
Six months to live
What would you do if someone told you that you only had six months to live?
We often think of all these crazy ideas, checking off all the things you want to do before you die; however that is not what six months left to live looks like, six months left to live involves so much time in and out of hospital, barely able to even walk let alone go sky diving, six months left to live has now become nine months.
That is the news I got in June 2018, that my mum would be “lucky to be alive by Christmas” it is now March……….. nine months later and it is so painful to watch. Imagine needing oxygen 24/7, not able to walk to the bathroom, shower yourself, dress yourself, just spending your days drinking morphine to control the pain.
If I want to go visit my mum it is always in a hospital. When you have 6 months (give or take) to live it is not all bucketlist’s, skydiving and one last hurrah, it is pain, heartache, a feeling of hopelessness and despair. It is confronting all life’s mysteries like where do we go when we die, am I going to feel pain when I die, am I going to suffer etc.
This is as far as I got.
My last blog on the 26th July was actually made as a distraction, as I was preparing to take what was now my last flight to visit my mum.
Stay tuned in 2020 as I bring you more of the same but less depressing and more positive blogs on life, food and all things random, still no pod cast though.
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